San Francisco Holiday

Months ago I signed up for the Second Life Community Convention (SLCC), but the plan to attend the convention was surpassed by my desire for a vacation getaway. So, this morning, my friend Jean and I flew out of Chicago's Midway Airport and arrived in San Francisco at 11:10am. We checked into a small old hotel and went out for lunch to Dottie's True Blue Cafe, on Jones Street in the Tenderloin area. Below is a picture of Jean's sandwich (chicken pesto) and mine (1/2 lb. Angus burger with white cheddar cheese and caramelized onions). Both dishes came with home fried potatoes. I ate half the burger and took the rest back to the hotel and put it in the fridge in our kitchenette! Yes! Our room has a kitchenette, so we can buy food to keep here, bring home leftovers, keep a bottle of wine chilling at all times!

I'll post more pictures as I take them. But for now let me just say I've only been here a few hours and I'm already having a great time.

I Don't Know What to Call this One....

I came back from my trip to Cincinnati filled with memories of my dead father. Over the weekend my sister-in-law asked me some question about my dad. I told her that the only good advice he had ever given me was 1) have a firm handshake; and 2) learn to type. Other than that, he had virtually no interest in what I did. He didn't attend my softball games. He may have gone to one of my orchestra concerts. He was basically not there for me. I was the first of 5 children, and I know that for a while I was "daddy's little girl." Then, once my brothers were old enough to throw a ball around with, I was overlooked.

Upon my complaining that our father didn't respect nor like females, my brother said, "Well, maybe, but did you ever have to hold a flashlight for him for an hour while he tried to fix something on the car? Or get up at 3:00am to go fishing with him, and spend all day in a small boat, having to be completely quiet all that time?" I know what he's saying. He and my other brothers got the attention from our dad, but it was negative, unpleasant attention. No one in our house was happy with him as a father.

Growing up, he traveled a lot, and we were happy about that. Things were just more pleasant when he was not around--the house was calmer, my mom was more relaxed. Besides travelling, he was also in a lot of fishing tournaments. The good part was that he would be gone all day on a particular Saturday or Sunday. The bad part was that he would have been out in the hot sun for hours, while he drank. He was a nasty drunk. He'd come home and my mother would say, "Stay out of your father's way. He's tired and crabby." For "tired and crabby," read: DRUNK. I never knew my dad was an alcoholic when I was growing up, though. I knew that he drank, but he had a job and provided for the family, so alcoholism never entered my mind. I thought he was just mean. Well, he was mean. But he was also an alcoholic. It wasn't until I went into therapy that I began putting the pieces together: he had gotten beat up late one night...and he'd been drinking; he was in a very bad car accident...and he'd been drinking; he got in a fight with my brother...and he'd been drinking.

When I was 23, after I'd left home at age 19, I came back to Georgia for the summer to work at a poultry processing plant and save up some money. One Saturday I went to Six Flags amusement park with my brothers. Ok, here's a little background on me, if you don't know already: I have very thick, very curly hair. If I let it get too long, it's frizzy and out of control. Suffice it to say, I have problem hair. So, imagine what my hair might have looked like upon returning from a day at an amusement park, after riding rollercoasters and other thrill rides all day long. Ok, have you got that picture in mind? Let's continue. My brothers and I got home around 10pm, and my mother almost immediately told us, "Stay out of your father's way, he's in a bad mood." My brothers went to watch tv upstairs, and I was downstairs in the rec room watching tv down there. My father came down and started saying shit to me, finishing up with: "Why don't you get a haircut? You look like a n*gger." I said the one thing that I knew would piss him off the most: "I want to look like a n*gger," at which point he hauled off and slapped me so hard that my glasses went flying, and his fingernail cut me under my eye. My mother heard what had happened and came running down the stairs, trying to get in between me and my father. He tried to push her out of the way and I swore at him like I never had in my life. Finally he stopped...maybe my brothers came down and tried to break it up. All I really remember was that I got a black eye from the ordeal and I wore it proudly.

After I got back to Chicago, a package arrived for me. It was an acoustic guitar. From my father. To whom I don't recall ever mentioning any interest in a guitar. This was his pathetic fucking apology for hitting me. I never mentioned to him that I received it.

As I said at the beginning, he's dead now. He died of a head injury, alone. It may sound cruel, but I'm glad my son doesn't have to deal with this man. My boy is very sensitive, and he's all about reading, and nature, and art. He's not the athletic type at all. So, even though he's a boy, he's not my father's kind of boy; I am so very thankful that he will not have to endure the negative attention that my brothers did.

Cincinnati Bound

I just got back from a whirlwind trip from Chgo. to Cincinnati to see my mom who was visiting my brother and his family. I took the boy with me and we left on Friday morning, keeping ahead of the tornado warnings in northern Illinois. I like lists, so here are the things that stood out during the trip:

* GREAT Goodwill store. I got clothes for myself and my boy, and it turns out it was 50% off all clothing that day!

* Chick-fil-a is my favorite fast food restaurant EVER. I got to have one of their chicken biscuits for breakfast and was very, very happy about it. My brother says he likes Hardee's biscuits better, and I agree with him, but chick-fil-a chicken is so goddamn wonderful, they win hands down. (And while McDonalds' "southern style chicken" is close to chick-fil-a in style and flavor, when you have the real thing, um, no, it ain't.) Oh, I also had a peach milkshake with my chicken biscuit--mmmmm....

* We saw the exhibit of Butterflies of India the day before it closed. It was overpriced at $5.00, but worth it to give money to a nonprofit organization like the Krohn Conservatory. Plus, it was a nice way to spend some time with the family.

* My sister-in-law and I went to Bath and Body Works, and the store had put all the C.O. Bigelow products on clearance. I was disappointed, but also excited that I could get my favorite items at 50% off. I don't know if this is nationwide, or just in the Cincinnati area.

* Skyline Chili--it was really good, for what it is. I had it for dinner, then had the leftovers for breakfast the next day, and it was even better.

* We passed a chili place called Camp Washington Chili that looked really cute, but we were on our way to another restaurant that my mom wanted to eat at. But now I have another reason to return to Cincinnati.

On the way home we stopped at a gas station that had a Starbucks and a Stuckey's, and I was sorry I couldn't convince the boy to go into Stuckey's with me--I remember the days when that's all that was available for roadside options (after the era of Route 66, and before the complete homogenization of America), and you could buy chocolate covered ants to bring home and trick your friends!

Something you MUST see....

I get emails from The Rumpus pretty much daily, and I try to keep up with them, but it's hard, since I get so much in my in box. Well, I'm glad I checked today, because in their "Morning Coffee" column, I got a link to the work of an amazing artist named Kevin Van Aelst. My favorite? The fingerprint made from cheezepuffs. Un-freaking-believable. Oh, and be sure to check out The Rumpus--it's awesome.

Pivotal Moments

I've been feeling better recently due to a change in my medication. With the ensuing clear-headed-ness, I've been reflecting on things that have changed my life. Some changes were momentous, some subtle but with with long range effects; some changes were for the better, some not so much. Here they are in chronological order:

1. I met Carla, the person with whom I have my longest running friendship. We met when we were 14. I was instantly amazed by her: the first time she came to my house, c1971, she wore a giant plastic whistle around her neck, bib overall shorts, t-shirt, striped toe socks, and I think a funky hat that she had crocheted. My family though she was weird, but that is what attracted me to her. She comes from a family of artists and very intelligent people, so to find someone who was outside the mainstream was just what I needed at the tender age of 14.

2. My family moved from the Chicago area to the woods of northeast Georgia. I went from a HS with 4000 students, to a county HS with 102 kids in my graduating class.

3. Mothers Day, 1977: La Mere Vipere, Chicago's first punk club (formerly a gay "disco"), started on this day, and I was there with Carla. Punk Rock literally changed my life. As we walked in, "Love is the Drug" was playing--I NEVER thought I'd walk into a club or bar and hear it playing.

4. I moved to new York, sowed my wild oats, had a blast. I turned 21 in New York, which I was thrilled about. It made up for turning 16 in Georgia.

5. I lost my virginity, a few months before turning 22. He was a friend, and opened up my world to a lot of things. Best way I could ever have lost it. Thanks A.

6. Met my VBFITWWW, Cactus, Fall 1982, in San Diego. One of the very best things to ever happen to me. For as long as I've known him, our disagreements have been remarkably few.

7. Met my husband through a personal ad. Turns out we had a shared history at the above-mentioned punk club in Chicago, although we never met until 1993.

8. I didn't get into Library school the first time applied; because of this, I went on to Plan B, which was:

9. I got pregnant (on purpose) at age 40 and had my son. I was quoted, post C-section birth of this 11 lb., 14 oz. behemoth, "I love everyone. And it's not just because of the drugs." :D

10. I discovered Second Life. I tapped into this verbal (text driven?) part of my brain that didn't get used enough, and suddenly I was quipping with the best of them. I became more self-confident, and took more pride in my appearance in RL because of the boldness that came out of my SL experiences

11. I turned 50--a very hard number for me. (35 was hard too, btw; I think it's about crossing demographic lines.)

12. Who the fuck knows...I'm still waiting for it

Me and My Alts

Ok, I've mentioned how I don't like dress-up and pretend. And yet here I am, in SL, with my multiple avatars, having experiences with different people. Over the past two years I've realized a few things about being an avatar:

I'm not really pretending to be someone else. But--I choose a different avatar depending on my mood and/or what I want to do. Lily is my responsible (ha!) avatar--she's the one with the property, and ran the business, and has things she's supposed to do. But if I'm in a cranky mood, I would choose another avatar, so I could act out and use her as a release valve.

The funny thing about choosing the different avatars, is that I behave or respond a little differently when I am one rather than the other. Recently Lily got an IM from a very dear friend, asking if I wanted to hang out with him. I adore this man, but I had some things to do, so his flirtations went unanswered. Later that night though, I was wearing my play Alt, and he IM'd me again, and I melted and immediately succumbed to his words. He spoke exactly the same way, but this girl had no commitments, and nowhere she was supposed to be. She is basically a "pleasure bot," and behaves as such. It's not a conscious decision of mine to do this, but it's like slipping into a mindset when putting on the avatar.


Recently I created a male avatar to see what that's like. I have a few friends who have created male Alts for various reasons, and some of them seem like men, some seem like the person underneath, and some seem like they're just doing it as a lark. My guy is pretty middle of the road. I still don't know who he is yet. All I know so far is that he's bland. Perhaps I just don't know how to act like a guy. When I was setting up my husband's avatar, I would tell girls they "look good in them drawers." Hardly the thing an actual guy would say.

The bad thing is that I find that I sort of channel my brother, when I'm the guy. When I go out as him, and my friends go out as their male avatars, I have the urge to call them asshole or pussy. I have no idea why--perhaps I should ask my therapist. There has to be a reason that this hostility comes out. I don't dislike men. But I guess my male rolemodels are pricks: my dad, and the oldest of my three brothers. Maybe it's that old adage about becoming what you fear most. I'm going to try and figure this guy out, though. Oh, and just to be clear, I am not deceiving any women about my gender. I will chat with them, but if they seem "interested," I tell them that I'm really a girl. Honestly, though, girls don't seem interested in him, so I think I've got nothing to worry about.

Wonderful Time on Belhaven

My friend Lulu, and my alt Cookie, were rezzed one day apart, and May 23 and 22, respectively, were the anniversaries of our first year In World. We decided to throw ourselves a party, with the theme of Lewis Carroll's Alice. As usual, we got carried away, and a simple Alice party turned into an entire Sim of Down the Rabbit Hole/Through the Looking Glass decor, with an all-day party, and DJs from 8am till midnight.

We began shopping a week before the event, hitting every shop in SL that carried Alice-related paraphernalia, including fairy stores, where we found some giant mushrooms and flowers with cute poses. To round out the attractions, we set up a 7Seas Fishing area (no custom fish yet, but we're working on it), and rented an Alice carnival ride. (And if you were wondering, the build will stay up for a while, so come on over Belhaven to see it.)

Well, the response was phenomenal--much greater than we had expected, and we expected a LOT! People streamed in from beginning to end, the place never empty for a second! Thanks to the expertise of LuciferSatan Genira who coordinated the stream switching, there wasn't a moment of dead air, either. The DJs were, in order of appearance: Robot Recreant, Andy Seiling, Laureen Korhonen, Treven Zabelin, LuciferSatan Genira, Frequency Picnic, Evah Gothly, and DjOsiris Darkstone.

Lulu and I took bunches of pictures throughout the event, and I hired oxoSimplyxAmandaoxo Magic (aka Panda) to photograph the event for a couple of hours, and she put together a beautiful album, a copy of which I gave to Lulu as a RezDay gift.

Thanks to Diablo DeSantis, who owns Belhaven, for letting Lulu and me use it as our playground, and as the canvas for our creativity.

I'd like to thank a new friend for coming early to the event and keeping me entertained. Thanks, also, to an old friend who took time out of his busy weekend to pop in and accompany me on a much-needed spin on the Alice ride.

And, finally, thanks to Lulu, for being my BFF this past year, and for years to come. We have our tense moments (says the queen of understatement), but I know that we will always get through them with our friendship intact. I lovers you, Lulu.