Pivotal Moments

I've been feeling better recently due to a change in my medication. With the ensuing clear-headed-ness, I've been reflecting on things that have changed my life. Some changes were momentous, some subtle but with with long range effects; some changes were for the better, some not so much. Here they are in chronological order:

1. I met Carla, the person with whom I have my longest running friendship. We met when we were 14. I was instantly amazed by her: the first time she came to my house, c1971, she wore a giant plastic whistle around her neck, bib overall shorts, t-shirt, striped toe socks, and I think a funky hat that she had crocheted. My family though she was weird, but that is what attracted me to her. She comes from a family of artists and very intelligent people, so to find someone who was outside the mainstream was just what I needed at the tender age of 14.

2. My family moved from the Chicago area to the woods of northeast Georgia. I went from a HS with 4000 students, to a county HS with 102 kids in my graduating class.

3. Mothers Day, 1977: La Mere Vipere, Chicago's first punk club (formerly a gay "disco"), started on this day, and I was there with Carla. Punk Rock literally changed my life. As we walked in, "Love is the Drug" was playing--I NEVER thought I'd walk into a club or bar and hear it playing.

4. I moved to new York, sowed my wild oats, had a blast. I turned 21 in New York, which I was thrilled about. It made up for turning 16 in Georgia.

5. I lost my virginity, a few months before turning 22. He was a friend, and opened up my world to a lot of things. Best way I could ever have lost it. Thanks A.

6. Met my VBFITWWW, Cactus, Fall 1982, in San Diego. One of the very best things to ever happen to me. For as long as I've known him, our disagreements have been remarkably few.

7. Met my husband through a personal ad. Turns out we had a shared history at the above-mentioned punk club in Chicago, although we never met until 1993.

8. I didn't get into Library school the first time applied; because of this, I went on to Plan B, which was:

9. I got pregnant (on purpose) at age 40 and had my son. I was quoted, post C-section birth of this 11 lb., 14 oz. behemoth, "I love everyone. And it's not just because of the drugs." :D

10. I discovered Second Life. I tapped into this verbal (text driven?) part of my brain that didn't get used enough, and suddenly I was quipping with the best of them. I became more self-confident, and took more pride in my appearance in RL because of the boldness that came out of my SL experiences

11. I turned 50--a very hard number for me. (35 was hard too, btw; I think it's about crossing demographic lines.)

12. Who the fuck knows...I'm still waiting for it

Me and My Alts

Ok, I've mentioned how I don't like dress-up and pretend. And yet here I am, in SL, with my multiple avatars, having experiences with different people. Over the past two years I've realized a few things about being an avatar:

I'm not really pretending to be someone else. But--I choose a different avatar depending on my mood and/or what I want to do. Lily is my responsible (ha!) avatar--she's the one with the property, and ran the business, and has things she's supposed to do. But if I'm in a cranky mood, I would choose another avatar, so I could act out and use her as a release valve.

The funny thing about choosing the different avatars, is that I behave or respond a little differently when I am one rather than the other. Recently Lily got an IM from a very dear friend, asking if I wanted to hang out with him. I adore this man, but I had some things to do, so his flirtations went unanswered. Later that night though, I was wearing my play Alt, and he IM'd me again, and I melted and immediately succumbed to his words. He spoke exactly the same way, but this girl had no commitments, and nowhere she was supposed to be. She is basically a "pleasure bot," and behaves as such. It's not a conscious decision of mine to do this, but it's like slipping into a mindset when putting on the avatar.


Recently I created a male avatar to see what that's like. I have a few friends who have created male Alts for various reasons, and some of them seem like men, some seem like the person underneath, and some seem like they're just doing it as a lark. My guy is pretty middle of the road. I still don't know who he is yet. All I know so far is that he's bland. Perhaps I just don't know how to act like a guy. When I was setting up my husband's avatar, I would tell girls they "look good in them drawers." Hardly the thing an actual guy would say.

The bad thing is that I find that I sort of channel my brother, when I'm the guy. When I go out as him, and my friends go out as their male avatars, I have the urge to call them asshole or pussy. I have no idea why--perhaps I should ask my therapist. There has to be a reason that this hostility comes out. I don't dislike men. But I guess my male rolemodels are pricks: my dad, and the oldest of my three brothers. Maybe it's that old adage about becoming what you fear most. I'm going to try and figure this guy out, though. Oh, and just to be clear, I am not deceiving any women about my gender. I will chat with them, but if they seem "interested," I tell them that I'm really a girl. Honestly, though, girls don't seem interested in him, so I think I've got nothing to worry about.

Wonderful Time on Belhaven

My friend Lulu, and my alt Cookie, were rezzed one day apart, and May 23 and 22, respectively, were the anniversaries of our first year In World. We decided to throw ourselves a party, with the theme of Lewis Carroll's Alice. As usual, we got carried away, and a simple Alice party turned into an entire Sim of Down the Rabbit Hole/Through the Looking Glass decor, with an all-day party, and DJs from 8am till midnight.

We began shopping a week before the event, hitting every shop in SL that carried Alice-related paraphernalia, including fairy stores, where we found some giant mushrooms and flowers with cute poses. To round out the attractions, we set up a 7Seas Fishing area (no custom fish yet, but we're working on it), and rented an Alice carnival ride. (And if you were wondering, the build will stay up for a while, so come on over Belhaven to see it.)

Well, the response was phenomenal--much greater than we had expected, and we expected a LOT! People streamed in from beginning to end, the place never empty for a second! Thanks to the expertise of LuciferSatan Genira who coordinated the stream switching, there wasn't a moment of dead air, either. The DJs were, in order of appearance: Robot Recreant, Andy Seiling, Laureen Korhonen, Treven Zabelin, LuciferSatan Genira, Frequency Picnic, Evah Gothly, and DjOsiris Darkstone.

Lulu and I took bunches of pictures throughout the event, and I hired oxoSimplyxAmandaoxo Magic (aka Panda) to photograph the event for a couple of hours, and she put together a beautiful album, a copy of which I gave to Lulu as a RezDay gift.

Thanks to Diablo DeSantis, who owns Belhaven, for letting Lulu and me use it as our playground, and as the canvas for our creativity.

I'd like to thank a new friend for coming early to the event and keeping me entertained. Thanks, also, to an old friend who took time out of his busy weekend to pop in and accompany me on a much-needed spin on the Alice ride.

And, finally, thanks to Lulu, for being my BFF this past year, and for years to come. We have our tense moments (says the queen of understatement), but I know that we will always get through them with our friendship intact. I lovers you, Lulu.

Our intrepid heroine encounters a tornado...

My friend Lulu recently turned me on to "Rob Breszny's Free Will Astrology." There has been a common theme in my horoscopes lately: even though I am surrounded by chaos and upheaval, I must see beyond, or even through, the chaos, and find inspiration there. Now, it could be that the position of the planets is guiding me, or maybe it's the suggestion by Rob Breszney that I get off my duff and start being creative again. Either way, I have found myself in the midst of 3 or 4 projects in recent weeks. Lulu and I have been brainstorming a lot and have come up with some great ideas for projects to work on together. I've also been writing more lately, as well as thinking up stories/articles/poetry in my head. (I started a haiku about an avocado I had bought that was so beautiful, it caused me to literally gasp when I cut it open and saw its perfection.)

So here I am, back again after a few weeks of lollygagging and goldbricking, attempting to get my thoughts down. I'm fighting the chaos in my home and the upheaval at work, and hope to come through it all with a decent short story, essay, or poem to show for it.

Which Lily am I?

When I was 35, I had a crisis about crossing a demographic line, and this prompted me into finally getting a tattoo. I'd been thinking about getting one since my early 20s, but I had no idea what image I'd want on my body for the rest of my life. When I turned 35, I knew I had to do something momentous, so I scoured old books for cute 1950s/60s illustrations, and found, in a cookbook, a line drawing of a chicken. I love chickens, and I love vintage illustrations, so this drawing was perfect! My bf at the time was a graphic artist, so he copied it, added chicken tracks, and I took the drawing to a tattoo artist in San Francisco who was recommended to me. You can't tell by the photograph, but the chicken tracks go all the way around my ankle.

I'm very happy with my tattoo, and after I got it, I saw why people get more than one. I kept thinking, "What's my next tattoo going to be?!" But the idea of coming up with another image I wanted on my body forever...well, I couldn't think of anything. But now, I'm thinking how much I like playing the part of Lily in SL, and how I love the name, and how I do like the flowers quite a bit...do you see where I"m going with this?

I'd like to see some photographs of Lilies that I can use for a tattoo. Probably the best is to send me links to images online. When I pick one, I'll have an artist render it for me, and figure out where it will go. The winning entry will get...hmm I don't know--I'll have to think on that a bit. But I'll document the process for this blog.

So, hurry up and send me those links! And thanks in advance for your help!

Time for Renewal

I'm on a long weekend trip to the land of cheese, visiting a friend who is here visiting her mother. She brought her boy with her and I brought mine. And actually quite unexpectedly, I am having a more relaxing time than I've had in ages.

We got here late Thursday night, and my friend, Zru, got into town on Friday. That night we went to a local restaurant for a nice dinner--the perfect end to a nice, low-key day. Saturday, though, we picked up the pace a bit.

First stop: The Flying Pig. It's a funky little place, with metal crafty sculpture things for sale, wine by the glass, and WONDERFUL coffee. I got my usual Americano w/4 shots, and was able to officially start my day.

Next stop: Krohn's Cheese. Let me tell you something about myself: I. Love. Cheese. Without a doubt, this is one of the most wonderful things ever to happen to milk gone bad. I love smooth, mild cheeses. I am nuts over Huntsman. And I absolutely ADORE a beautiful aged cheddar. (Recently I visited a new cheese shop near home, and bought some of their 10 year old aged cheddar, @ $35.00/lb. Yes, I know: "Yikes." But it was worth every goddamn penny.) So, anyway, Krohn's has a very nice 5 year old extra sharp cheddar, for only $8.99/lb. so I bought a pound of it to take home. It's very very sharp, but smooth, without that sour aftertaste that some aged cheddars seem to have. The boy and I agreed it was a righteous cheese. Aside from that cheese, I bought another dairy's 5-y.o. cheddar, and a pound of the award winning Mozzerella. Fortunately the shop also sells ice packs and freezer bags, so we were able to keep it cold till we got back to my friend's place.

After the cheese shop, we went to The Men's Mall. That's not the real name, but what the locals call it. It's actually Mills FleetFarm. They sell everything a guy needs for his truck-driving or farming needs. It's like Walmart and Home Depot rolled into one. I found a really cute pork pie hat for my boy, but he refuses to wear a hat. I had to practically get him in a hammerlock just to have him try one on. And he looks soooooo freaking cute in a hat! The boy doesn't know what he's missing out on. I would love to have a head that fit into a hat. But between the size of my noggin, and my big mop of hair...well, I need a size 5-7/8s, which is hard to come by. (Note to self: go to the men's department of a department store and find a hat for the summer.) The most interesting items at FleetFarm were the camouflage lingerie. Camisoles, bras and panties, slips, etc., in a couple choices of color: traditional green hunter camouflage; and, BRIGHT ORANGE, so when you're lounging in the woods with your man as he tries to bag a deer, you won't be shot accidentally, since you'll be in your neon orange bikini. Mmhm...it's true.

Next stop was lunch at the Titletown Brewing Company, in Green Bay. Ok, now, folks from Wisconsin, please don't get all up in my shit about this, but I'm sorry...Titletown??? WTF? Titletown sounds stupid. Green Bay is a great name. People know that the Packers won the title. (They did, right? I honestly don't follow sports.) Yeesh. Well anyway, at least the food at the brew pub was really good. Zru and I got a beer sampler and tried a number of the varieties available. Oh, and they have a really nice root beer they make there, too.

After lunch we went to the Goodwill store and I got the boy a couple of pairs of pants (he's at that age where he's growing like the proverbial weed). Then we headed home, I took a nap, and relaxed, wondering what it might be like to live up here: great coffee, great cheese, Lake Michigan, and the Interwebs. What more could a girl want?

I've had a Meta Makeover!

Cue music...roll video tape...protect the children: My home in SL was chosen to be featured on the show Meta Makeover, hosted by the lovely Saffia Widdershins!

When I closed Port Novem recently, I looked around for a large parcel of land where I could move forward with my leisure-filled retirement. One day while shopping at La Belle Vie, owned by Zasa Rossini, I saw that she was offering parcels on a new Sim she was building. Aside from the pure beauty of the environs she had planned, the major selling point was that there were only 7 parcels on the entire Sim.

When the Sim was opened, I plopped down the house I had bought from Fatima Ur of Antique Artistry, and began to fill it with furnishings from La Belle Vie and Cache, both located in Zasa's other Sim, "Dans les Montagnes." I was very comfortable in my little doll house lifestyle. And then things got even better: Zasa said that Meta Makeover wanted to do an episode on my house, and did I want Fatima Ur to do a makeover for me! Yes! Yes! Yes!

Fatima contacted me and asked what rooms I wanted revamped, but I had trouble deciding: I had already pretty much furnished the house how I liked it. Then she mentioned that she could do the yard and the conservatory...to which I gave another resounding YES! Over the next couple days, Fatima uprooted the trees I had just set down willy nilly, and in what seemed like an instant, my front lawn and waterfront area was landscaped to look more like an Estate than any place I've ever lived, SL or RL (RL...hah! Yeah, I live in a castle in RL...).

This past Sunday was the Meta Makeover run-through. Saffia Widdershins, host of the show, and Editrix of The Primgraph, visited me with her staff to look over my grounds and prepare for Tuesday's taping. Then, yesterday, it all came together. I was nervous, but Saffia and her team put me at ease.

I'd like to thank all involved in this exciting opportunity, especially Zasa Rossini; Saffia Widdershins; Fatima Ur; Elrik Merlin; and Matelisse Criss.

And a great big thanks to Miss Eve Ayres, of Bord du Lac, and of Belhaven, just for being you.


ADDENDUM: I got the names of Saffia's crew, as well as the names fo the SLCN people involved, so I'd like to give everybody a big thanks!

For Meta Makeover:
Saffia Widdershins
Elrik Merlin
Matelisse Criss
Davon Westland - producer
Darleez de Cuir - studio manager - she organised Fatima setting up her lovely exhibition in the studio hall
Aisling Sinclair - Advertising and Client Relations Manager

For SLCN:
Texas Timtram
Starr Sonic
Wiz Nordberg

They used two camera people:
Mr Mims
Truman Donaldo