San Francisco Holiday

Months ago I signed up for the Second Life Community Convention (SLCC), but the plan to attend the convention was surpassed by my desire for a vacation getaway. So, this morning, my friend Jean and I flew out of Chicago's Midway Airport and arrived in San Francisco at 11:10am. We checked into a small old hotel and went out for lunch to Dottie's True Blue Cafe, on Jones Street in the Tenderloin area. Below is a picture of Jean's sandwich (chicken pesto) and mine (1/2 lb. Angus burger with white cheddar cheese and caramelized onions). Both dishes came with home fried potatoes. I ate half the burger and took the rest back to the hotel and put it in the fridge in our kitchenette! Yes! Our room has a kitchenette, so we can buy food to keep here, bring home leftovers, keep a bottle of wine chilling at all times!

I'll post more pictures as I take them. But for now let me just say I've only been here a few hours and I'm already having a great time.

I Don't Know What to Call this One....

I came back from my trip to Cincinnati filled with memories of my dead father. Over the weekend my sister-in-law asked me some question about my dad. I told her that the only good advice he had ever given me was 1) have a firm handshake; and 2) learn to type. Other than that, he had virtually no interest in what I did. He didn't attend my softball games. He may have gone to one of my orchestra concerts. He was basically not there for me. I was the first of 5 children, and I know that for a while I was "daddy's little girl." Then, once my brothers were old enough to throw a ball around with, I was overlooked.

Upon my complaining that our father didn't respect nor like females, my brother said, "Well, maybe, but did you ever have to hold a flashlight for him for an hour while he tried to fix something on the car? Or get up at 3:00am to go fishing with him, and spend all day in a small boat, having to be completely quiet all that time?" I know what he's saying. He and my other brothers got the attention from our dad, but it was negative, unpleasant attention. No one in our house was happy with him as a father.

Growing up, he traveled a lot, and we were happy about that. Things were just more pleasant when he was not around--the house was calmer, my mom was more relaxed. Besides travelling, he was also in a lot of fishing tournaments. The good part was that he would be gone all day on a particular Saturday or Sunday. The bad part was that he would have been out in the hot sun for hours, while he drank. He was a nasty drunk. He'd come home and my mother would say, "Stay out of your father's way. He's tired and crabby." For "tired and crabby," read: DRUNK. I never knew my dad was an alcoholic when I was growing up, though. I knew that he drank, but he had a job and provided for the family, so alcoholism never entered my mind. I thought he was just mean. Well, he was mean. But he was also an alcoholic. It wasn't until I went into therapy that I began putting the pieces together: he had gotten beat up late one night...and he'd been drinking; he was in a very bad car accident...and he'd been drinking; he got in a fight with my brother...and he'd been drinking.

When I was 23, after I'd left home at age 19, I came back to Georgia for the summer to work at a poultry processing plant and save up some money. One Saturday I went to Six Flags amusement park with my brothers. Ok, here's a little background on me, if you don't know already: I have very thick, very curly hair. If I let it get too long, it's frizzy and out of control. Suffice it to say, I have problem hair. So, imagine what my hair might have looked like upon returning from a day at an amusement park, after riding rollercoasters and other thrill rides all day long. Ok, have you got that picture in mind? Let's continue. My brothers and I got home around 10pm, and my mother almost immediately told us, "Stay out of your father's way, he's in a bad mood." My brothers went to watch tv upstairs, and I was downstairs in the rec room watching tv down there. My father came down and started saying shit to me, finishing up with: "Why don't you get a haircut? You look like a n*gger." I said the one thing that I knew would piss him off the most: "I want to look like a n*gger," at which point he hauled off and slapped me so hard that my glasses went flying, and his fingernail cut me under my eye. My mother heard what had happened and came running down the stairs, trying to get in between me and my father. He tried to push her out of the way and I swore at him like I never had in my life. Finally he stopped...maybe my brothers came down and tried to break it up. All I really remember was that I got a black eye from the ordeal and I wore it proudly.

After I got back to Chicago, a package arrived for me. It was an acoustic guitar. From my father. To whom I don't recall ever mentioning any interest in a guitar. This was his pathetic fucking apology for hitting me. I never mentioned to him that I received it.

As I said at the beginning, he's dead now. He died of a head injury, alone. It may sound cruel, but I'm glad my son doesn't have to deal with this man. My boy is very sensitive, and he's all about reading, and nature, and art. He's not the athletic type at all. So, even though he's a boy, he's not my father's kind of boy; I am so very thankful that he will not have to endure the negative attention that my brothers did.

Cincinnati Bound

I just got back from a whirlwind trip from Chgo. to Cincinnati to see my mom who was visiting my brother and his family. I took the boy with me and we left on Friday morning, keeping ahead of the tornado warnings in northern Illinois. I like lists, so here are the things that stood out during the trip:

* GREAT Goodwill store. I got clothes for myself and my boy, and it turns out it was 50% off all clothing that day!

* Chick-fil-a is my favorite fast food restaurant EVER. I got to have one of their chicken biscuits for breakfast and was very, very happy about it. My brother says he likes Hardee's biscuits better, and I agree with him, but chick-fil-a chicken is so goddamn wonderful, they win hands down. (And while McDonalds' "southern style chicken" is close to chick-fil-a in style and flavor, when you have the real thing, um, no, it ain't.) Oh, I also had a peach milkshake with my chicken biscuit--mmmmm....

* We saw the exhibit of Butterflies of India the day before it closed. It was overpriced at $5.00, but worth it to give money to a nonprofit organization like the Krohn Conservatory. Plus, it was a nice way to spend some time with the family.

* My sister-in-law and I went to Bath and Body Works, and the store had put all the C.O. Bigelow products on clearance. I was disappointed, but also excited that I could get my favorite items at 50% off. I don't know if this is nationwide, or just in the Cincinnati area.

* Skyline Chili--it was really good, for what it is. I had it for dinner, then had the leftovers for breakfast the next day, and it was even better.

* We passed a chili place called Camp Washington Chili that looked really cute, but we were on our way to another restaurant that my mom wanted to eat at. But now I have another reason to return to Cincinnati.

On the way home we stopped at a gas station that had a Starbucks and a Stuckey's, and I was sorry I couldn't convince the boy to go into Stuckey's with me--I remember the days when that's all that was available for roadside options (after the era of Route 66, and before the complete homogenization of America), and you could buy chocolate covered ants to bring home and trick your friends!

Something you MUST see....

I get emails from The Rumpus pretty much daily, and I try to keep up with them, but it's hard, since I get so much in my in box. Well, I'm glad I checked today, because in their "Morning Coffee" column, I got a link to the work of an amazing artist named Kevin Van Aelst. My favorite? The fingerprint made from cheezepuffs. Un-freaking-believable. Oh, and be sure to check out The Rumpus--it's awesome.

Pivotal Moments

I've been feeling better recently due to a change in my medication. With the ensuing clear-headed-ness, I've been reflecting on things that have changed my life. Some changes were momentous, some subtle but with with long range effects; some changes were for the better, some not so much. Here they are in chronological order:

1. I met Carla, the person with whom I have my longest running friendship. We met when we were 14. I was instantly amazed by her: the first time she came to my house, c1971, she wore a giant plastic whistle around her neck, bib overall shorts, t-shirt, striped toe socks, and I think a funky hat that she had crocheted. My family though she was weird, but that is what attracted me to her. She comes from a family of artists and very intelligent people, so to find someone who was outside the mainstream was just what I needed at the tender age of 14.

2. My family moved from the Chicago area to the woods of northeast Georgia. I went from a HS with 4000 students, to a county HS with 102 kids in my graduating class.

3. Mothers Day, 1977: La Mere Vipere, Chicago's first punk club (formerly a gay "disco"), started on this day, and I was there with Carla. Punk Rock literally changed my life. As we walked in, "Love is the Drug" was playing--I NEVER thought I'd walk into a club or bar and hear it playing.

4. I moved to new York, sowed my wild oats, had a blast. I turned 21 in New York, which I was thrilled about. It made up for turning 16 in Georgia.

5. I lost my virginity, a few months before turning 22. He was a friend, and opened up my world to a lot of things. Best way I could ever have lost it. Thanks A.

6. Met my VBFITWWW, Cactus, Fall 1982, in San Diego. One of the very best things to ever happen to me. For as long as I've known him, our disagreements have been remarkably few.

7. Met my husband through a personal ad. Turns out we had a shared history at the above-mentioned punk club in Chicago, although we never met until 1993.

8. I didn't get into Library school the first time applied; because of this, I went on to Plan B, which was:

9. I got pregnant (on purpose) at age 40 and had my son. I was quoted, post C-section birth of this 11 lb., 14 oz. behemoth, "I love everyone. And it's not just because of the drugs." :D

10. I discovered Second Life. I tapped into this verbal (text driven?) part of my brain that didn't get used enough, and suddenly I was quipping with the best of them. I became more self-confident, and took more pride in my appearance in RL because of the boldness that came out of my SL experiences

11. I turned 50--a very hard number for me. (35 was hard too, btw; I think it's about crossing demographic lines.)

12. Who the fuck knows...I'm still waiting for it

Me and My Alts

Ok, I've mentioned how I don't like dress-up and pretend. And yet here I am, in SL, with my multiple avatars, having experiences with different people. Over the past two years I've realized a few things about being an avatar:

I'm not really pretending to be someone else. But--I choose a different avatar depending on my mood and/or what I want to do. Lily is my responsible (ha!) avatar--she's the one with the property, and ran the business, and has things she's supposed to do. But if I'm in a cranky mood, I would choose another avatar, so I could act out and use her as a release valve.

The funny thing about choosing the different avatars, is that I behave or respond a little differently when I am one rather than the other. Recently Lily got an IM from a very dear friend, asking if I wanted to hang out with him. I adore this man, but I had some things to do, so his flirtations went unanswered. Later that night though, I was wearing my play Alt, and he IM'd me again, and I melted and immediately succumbed to his words. He spoke exactly the same way, but this girl had no commitments, and nowhere she was supposed to be. She is basically a "pleasure bot," and behaves as such. It's not a conscious decision of mine to do this, but it's like slipping into a mindset when putting on the avatar.


Recently I created a male avatar to see what that's like. I have a few friends who have created male Alts for various reasons, and some of them seem like men, some seem like the person underneath, and some seem like they're just doing it as a lark. My guy is pretty middle of the road. I still don't know who he is yet. All I know so far is that he's bland. Perhaps I just don't know how to act like a guy. When I was setting up my husband's avatar, I would tell girls they "look good in them drawers." Hardly the thing an actual guy would say.

The bad thing is that I find that I sort of channel my brother, when I'm the guy. When I go out as him, and my friends go out as their male avatars, I have the urge to call them asshole or pussy. I have no idea why--perhaps I should ask my therapist. There has to be a reason that this hostility comes out. I don't dislike men. But I guess my male rolemodels are pricks: my dad, and the oldest of my three brothers. Maybe it's that old adage about becoming what you fear most. I'm going to try and figure this guy out, though. Oh, and just to be clear, I am not deceiving any women about my gender. I will chat with them, but if they seem "interested," I tell them that I'm really a girl. Honestly, though, girls don't seem interested in him, so I think I've got nothing to worry about.

Wonderful Time on Belhaven

My friend Lulu, and my alt Cookie, were rezzed one day apart, and May 23 and 22, respectively, were the anniversaries of our first year In World. We decided to throw ourselves a party, with the theme of Lewis Carroll's Alice. As usual, we got carried away, and a simple Alice party turned into an entire Sim of Down the Rabbit Hole/Through the Looking Glass decor, with an all-day party, and DJs from 8am till midnight.

We began shopping a week before the event, hitting every shop in SL that carried Alice-related paraphernalia, including fairy stores, where we found some giant mushrooms and flowers with cute poses. To round out the attractions, we set up a 7Seas Fishing area (no custom fish yet, but we're working on it), and rented an Alice carnival ride. (And if you were wondering, the build will stay up for a while, so come on over Belhaven to see it.)

Well, the response was phenomenal--much greater than we had expected, and we expected a LOT! People streamed in from beginning to end, the place never empty for a second! Thanks to the expertise of LuciferSatan Genira who coordinated the stream switching, there wasn't a moment of dead air, either. The DJs were, in order of appearance: Robot Recreant, Andy Seiling, Laureen Korhonen, Treven Zabelin, LuciferSatan Genira, Frequency Picnic, Evah Gothly, and DjOsiris Darkstone.

Lulu and I took bunches of pictures throughout the event, and I hired oxoSimplyxAmandaoxo Magic (aka Panda) to photograph the event for a couple of hours, and she put together a beautiful album, a copy of which I gave to Lulu as a RezDay gift.

Thanks to Diablo DeSantis, who owns Belhaven, for letting Lulu and me use it as our playground, and as the canvas for our creativity.

I'd like to thank a new friend for coming early to the event and keeping me entertained. Thanks, also, to an old friend who took time out of his busy weekend to pop in and accompany me on a much-needed spin on the Alice ride.

And, finally, thanks to Lulu, for being my BFF this past year, and for years to come. We have our tense moments (says the queen of understatement), but I know that we will always get through them with our friendship intact. I lovers you, Lulu.

Our intrepid heroine encounters a tornado...

My friend Lulu recently turned me on to "Rob Breszny's Free Will Astrology." There has been a common theme in my horoscopes lately: even though I am surrounded by chaos and upheaval, I must see beyond, or even through, the chaos, and find inspiration there. Now, it could be that the position of the planets is guiding me, or maybe it's the suggestion by Rob Breszney that I get off my duff and start being creative again. Either way, I have found myself in the midst of 3 or 4 projects in recent weeks. Lulu and I have been brainstorming a lot and have come up with some great ideas for projects to work on together. I've also been writing more lately, as well as thinking up stories/articles/poetry in my head. (I started a haiku about an avocado I had bought that was so beautiful, it caused me to literally gasp when I cut it open and saw its perfection.)

So here I am, back again after a few weeks of lollygagging and goldbricking, attempting to get my thoughts down. I'm fighting the chaos in my home and the upheaval at work, and hope to come through it all with a decent short story, essay, or poem to show for it.

Which Lily am I?

When I was 35, I had a crisis about crossing a demographic line, and this prompted me into finally getting a tattoo. I'd been thinking about getting one since my early 20s, but I had no idea what image I'd want on my body for the rest of my life. When I turned 35, I knew I had to do something momentous, so I scoured old books for cute 1950s/60s illustrations, and found, in a cookbook, a line drawing of a chicken. I love chickens, and I love vintage illustrations, so this drawing was perfect! My bf at the time was a graphic artist, so he copied it, added chicken tracks, and I took the drawing to a tattoo artist in San Francisco who was recommended to me. You can't tell by the photograph, but the chicken tracks go all the way around my ankle.

I'm very happy with my tattoo, and after I got it, I saw why people get more than one. I kept thinking, "What's my next tattoo going to be?!" But the idea of coming up with another image I wanted on my body forever...well, I couldn't think of anything. But now, I'm thinking how much I like playing the part of Lily in SL, and how I love the name, and how I do like the flowers quite a bit...do you see where I"m going with this?

I'd like to see some photographs of Lilies that I can use for a tattoo. Probably the best is to send me links to images online. When I pick one, I'll have an artist render it for me, and figure out where it will go. The winning entry will get...hmm I don't know--I'll have to think on that a bit. But I'll document the process for this blog.

So, hurry up and send me those links! And thanks in advance for your help!

Time for Renewal

I'm on a long weekend trip to the land of cheese, visiting a friend who is here visiting her mother. She brought her boy with her and I brought mine. And actually quite unexpectedly, I am having a more relaxing time than I've had in ages.

We got here late Thursday night, and my friend, Zru, got into town on Friday. That night we went to a local restaurant for a nice dinner--the perfect end to a nice, low-key day. Saturday, though, we picked up the pace a bit.

First stop: The Flying Pig. It's a funky little place, with metal crafty sculpture things for sale, wine by the glass, and WONDERFUL coffee. I got my usual Americano w/4 shots, and was able to officially start my day.

Next stop: Krohn's Cheese. Let me tell you something about myself: I. Love. Cheese. Without a doubt, this is one of the most wonderful things ever to happen to milk gone bad. I love smooth, mild cheeses. I am nuts over Huntsman. And I absolutely ADORE a beautiful aged cheddar. (Recently I visited a new cheese shop near home, and bought some of their 10 year old aged cheddar, @ $35.00/lb. Yes, I know: "Yikes." But it was worth every goddamn penny.) So, anyway, Krohn's has a very nice 5 year old extra sharp cheddar, for only $8.99/lb. so I bought a pound of it to take home. It's very very sharp, but smooth, without that sour aftertaste that some aged cheddars seem to have. The boy and I agreed it was a righteous cheese. Aside from that cheese, I bought another dairy's 5-y.o. cheddar, and a pound of the award winning Mozzerella. Fortunately the shop also sells ice packs and freezer bags, so we were able to keep it cold till we got back to my friend's place.

After the cheese shop, we went to The Men's Mall. That's not the real name, but what the locals call it. It's actually Mills FleetFarm. They sell everything a guy needs for his truck-driving or farming needs. It's like Walmart and Home Depot rolled into one. I found a really cute pork pie hat for my boy, but he refuses to wear a hat. I had to practically get him in a hammerlock just to have him try one on. And he looks soooooo freaking cute in a hat! The boy doesn't know what he's missing out on. I would love to have a head that fit into a hat. But between the size of my noggin, and my big mop of hair...well, I need a size 5-7/8s, which is hard to come by. (Note to self: go to the men's department of a department store and find a hat for the summer.) The most interesting items at FleetFarm were the camouflage lingerie. Camisoles, bras and panties, slips, etc., in a couple choices of color: traditional green hunter camouflage; and, BRIGHT ORANGE, so when you're lounging in the woods with your man as he tries to bag a deer, you won't be shot accidentally, since you'll be in your neon orange bikini. Mmhm...it's true.

Next stop was lunch at the Titletown Brewing Company, in Green Bay. Ok, now, folks from Wisconsin, please don't get all up in my shit about this, but I'm sorry...Titletown??? WTF? Titletown sounds stupid. Green Bay is a great name. People know that the Packers won the title. (They did, right? I honestly don't follow sports.) Yeesh. Well anyway, at least the food at the brew pub was really good. Zru and I got a beer sampler and tried a number of the varieties available. Oh, and they have a really nice root beer they make there, too.

After lunch we went to the Goodwill store and I got the boy a couple of pairs of pants (he's at that age where he's growing like the proverbial weed). Then we headed home, I took a nap, and relaxed, wondering what it might be like to live up here: great coffee, great cheese, Lake Michigan, and the Interwebs. What more could a girl want?

I've had a Meta Makeover!

Cue music...roll video tape...protect the children: My home in SL was chosen to be featured on the show Meta Makeover, hosted by the lovely Saffia Widdershins!

When I closed Port Novem recently, I looked around for a large parcel of land where I could move forward with my leisure-filled retirement. One day while shopping at La Belle Vie, owned by Zasa Rossini, I saw that she was offering parcels on a new Sim she was building. Aside from the pure beauty of the environs she had planned, the major selling point was that there were only 7 parcels on the entire Sim.

When the Sim was opened, I plopped down the house I had bought from Fatima Ur of Antique Artistry, and began to fill it with furnishings from La Belle Vie and Cache, both located in Zasa's other Sim, "Dans les Montagnes." I was very comfortable in my little doll house lifestyle. And then things got even better: Zasa said that Meta Makeover wanted to do an episode on my house, and did I want Fatima Ur to do a makeover for me! Yes! Yes! Yes!

Fatima contacted me and asked what rooms I wanted revamped, but I had trouble deciding: I had already pretty much furnished the house how I liked it. Then she mentioned that she could do the yard and the conservatory...to which I gave another resounding YES! Over the next couple days, Fatima uprooted the trees I had just set down willy nilly, and in what seemed like an instant, my front lawn and waterfront area was landscaped to look more like an Estate than any place I've ever lived, SL or RL (RL...hah! Yeah, I live in a castle in RL...).

This past Sunday was the Meta Makeover run-through. Saffia Widdershins, host of the show, and Editrix of The Primgraph, visited me with her staff to look over my grounds and prepare for Tuesday's taping. Then, yesterday, it all came together. I was nervous, but Saffia and her team put me at ease.

I'd like to thank all involved in this exciting opportunity, especially Zasa Rossini; Saffia Widdershins; Fatima Ur; Elrik Merlin; and Matelisse Criss.

And a great big thanks to Miss Eve Ayres, of Bord du Lac, and of Belhaven, just for being you.


ADDENDUM: I got the names of Saffia's crew, as well as the names fo the SLCN people involved, so I'd like to give everybody a big thanks!

For Meta Makeover:
Saffia Widdershins
Elrik Merlin
Matelisse Criss
Davon Westland - producer
Darleez de Cuir - studio manager - she organised Fatima setting up her lovely exhibition in the studio hall
Aisling Sinclair - Advertising and Client Relations Manager

For SLCN:
Texas Timtram
Starr Sonic
Wiz Nordberg

They used two camera people:
Mr Mims
Truman Donaldo

Poof

Celestina will be gone on Friday. Good Riddance. Next is Dinah Lytton. I'll just close her account right now, while I'm thinking about it. Maybe I'll close a few accounts. (I'm in a really shitty mood right now, so I'm going to post something terrible and gut-wrenching in another forum. You're welcome to read it, if you're brave enough...and if you can find it.)

The Results are In

A whopping 6 of you voted in my "Kill an Avatar" poll, and you all voted to get rid of Celestina Moonbeam. She was my choice too, actually, so when I leave this post, I'm deleting her account.

And btw: Dinah has not escaped the axe--she will be the next to go, whenever I get around to it.

Goodbye, Celestina. I'm not exaggerating when I say "I hardly knew ye...."

Here that silence? It's the sound of information being dissemeniated to library staff....

To the left you see a notice for an event held at the library where I work, in conjunction with National Poetry Month. Seems like a good enough idea. Except that I, as the person who buys all the literature and poetry books for the Adult collection (and also the High School books), had no idea this program was taking place.

It may sound like I'm nit picking, but this is just another in the trend of my library director, and the library board, taking responsibilities away from Librarians who do the collection development, and giving those duties to a "PR" person, who, in actuality, does very little real PR work. What she does is plan programs, without so much as a heads-up to library staff, who should know what's going on, if only too answer the patrons' questions about what programs are being held.

There was a time when the Librarians were responsible for programming at the library. They were familiar with our patron base, what community members were interested in, etc. As the librarian who buys poetry books for the collection, when I received information from The Academy of American Poets about this year's National Poetry Month, I wondered what kind of program might be well-received by the library's patrons. I thought a contest of some sort for the library's teen patrons might be fun. But upon doing a quick check of the library's website, I found the above nugget of information. I was not told about this event directly. I had to dig around till I found it. Had I been notified, I could have tried to involve the local High School students (yeah, I know, they wouldn't have shown up anyway), or somehow worked with the community to get them involved in library programming.

It's bad enough that Librarians are underpaid, but to not get professional respect from the library director herself...well, it's insult heaped on top of injury. (Perhaps part of the problem is that my particular library director has worked at this library SINCE SHE WAS 16, and SHE HAS NEVER WORKED AT ANY OTHER LIBRARY EVER IN HER LIFE. I find this extremely troublesome: I really believe that in order to be a good librarian, one needs a variety of library experience. Fuck--life experience would add a lot to a person's outlook on the Library's place in the world. But if you've lived in the same town, and worked at the same place your whole life, your world view is myopic. You don't see how other people do things, you don't gain new insights. And this is my director in a nutshell.

You Make the Call!

I've decided to let you (whomever you are) vote on which of my Alts gets the axe next. The contenders are:

Dinah Lytton, who would be 2 years old on March 24th, should she live that long.



and Celestina Moonbeam, who has nothing destinctive about her whatsoever.



Please cast your vote on the poll in the sidebar on the left. I'll leave the poll up till Sunday, March 22nd, at Noon SLT. The winner (the not dead one) will go on to face the next challanger....

And btw: Do you think my girls tend to look like each other? I wonder that, but I'm not objective.

RIP Vikki Planer

Here are two pictures of Vikki, the first one is how she looked her first year in SL; the second one is what she looked like after I gave her a makeover.

Spring Cleaning--It's for Avatars Too!

A lot has been made in my SL about how many avatars I have. I know I have a bunch of them, but each was created for a reason. And now, many of those reasons are moot. Some avatars I just don't ever use. Contrary to popular opinion, I'm not sneaking around SL spying and doing duplicitous things--jeez, who's got the time? Especially if you enjoy the company of menz as much as I do. Ahem.

So, as I have officially been in SL for two years now (my very first avatar's rez day is right around now--she's already gone, btw: Donatella Voom), I figure it's time to clean house. Get them girls outta my SL already!

My "real" first avatar, who is still in existance, is Dinah. She happens to be partnered with my (soon-to-be-ex) husband, but since we have different SLs, I dont' think he'll notice. He doesn't even use the avatar he created to be with me anyway.

My second Avatar was Vikki. She was created after husband found that Dinah had an SL boyfriend. Oops. I was with this lovely British DJ, we were both brand new, blah blah blah. First SLove. Husband freaked when he found out, I "quit" SL, but then wanted to get back into Library work, which was why I was really in SL for (at the time, that is...). So I created Vikki, the librarian. I used Vikki exclusively for library work (mostly...cough) but then I broke off from the SL Library because it was a lot of headaches with very little personal satisfaction.

Third one was Starling. She's really pretty. I don't use her much, but I might, so I keep her on ice. Fourth was Stacks. She wrote a dirty blog. I don't use her much either, but I like her. She is bold and brassy and sexy and empowered in a way that I (the writer) is not. She is the ultimate Sexy Librarian.

Then came Lily. I moved to New Babbage with my SL sister MissVivian Looming to start and run Novem: The Muses Playhouse. While there, we needed some dancers, escorts, etc. so I created a couple more alts, one of which I gave to a friend for testing poseballs, and the other, Celestina, is getting the axe.

There was one I created to hide from a jealous lover, another to work for Lily at Port Novem when the Babbage gig was done (That's AliceWendy...but I can't get rid of her because she has certain rights or property or something that I need. I have to look into it, because I'm not really that crazy about her.)

Then there's the girl I created for the Alt Party. I dont' know if I'm going to bother closing that account or not. I kind of like her look, though.

So, today, I'll be checking inventories for any transferable items, then closing accounts. Join me in wishing all my strays a "Fond Farewell, and don't let the door hit you in the ass."

The Librarian's Burden

A librarian friend of mine once said, "Sometimes theft is a librarian's best friend." We had been talking about "The Anarchist's Cookbook," and how libraries justify/deal with having it in their collections. She said that it invariably gets stolen, so the problem is moot. Other books that fall under a similar category are Madonna's Sex book, a while back; The Turner Diaries; books by science fiction writers cum religious nut; etc. Some books you order because you have to (i.e., a patron has requested you purchase it), and then there are other books that you want to order, but perhaps shouldn't. (And I don't know if there is a book that should never be added to a library's collection, ever. Any thoughts on this?)

Librarians are all about FREE ACCESS TO INFORMATION. We hold dear the concepts that censorship is bad, banning books is bad, and that the refusal of information or materials to patrons, based on subject matter, is bad. (The question of age of the patron is a little sketchier, so let's agree that I'm talking about adults here.)

I'm sure almost every collection development librarian has struggled at one time or another about adding a certain item to the collection. I buy the 700s, which includes Art, and comics/graphic novels. I had read a review of Lost Girls, by Alan Moore and Melinda Gebbie. From the reviews I read, it appeared to be a straight forward collection with stories that seemed to explore what erotic situations three famous literary characters (Alice, of Wonderland; Dorothy, of Oz, and Wendy, of Neverland) might encounter if they grew up a few more years. Publisher's Weekly gave Lost Girls a very good review, as did Booklist, the trade journal published by the American Library Association. I was intrigued by the idea of the book, and knew it would be erotic, but figured, "so what?" I ordered this three-volume set for my library's collection.

When Lost Girls arrived from the distributor, I got a call from the person in Technical Services who checks in the book orders. She asked if I knew how graphic the book was. Um...no. So she gave me the books, I opened one of them at random, and there was a teenage girl who was naked, riding the cock of some beastly man. I felt myself turn bright red. (I'm not a prude, but looking at graphic depictions of sex in front of a co-worker...well...it made me uncomfortable.) The book is filled with page after page of fucking, oral sex, masturbation, hand jobs, etc. Ok, I don't remember if there are hand jobs in there, but i'm sure there are. Take a look at the Amazon listing for a peek at some of the graphics. The books are actually quite beautiful. But...I really didn't want to go to the mat for this particular title. I knew there'd be an uproar, should the "wrong" person get hold of the book. And if I had to defend a title, I wanted it to be something that I felt was Important, with a capital I. So I made the decision to send the book back.

Last week I ordered a book that may be the one I have to fight for. I was looking through Booklist's list of Best Graphic Novels, and saw Daddy's Girl, by Debbie Drechsler. Originally published in 1995, it's been reprinted recently. I've only read the first story so far, but it is powerful and disturbing and sad. Daddy's Girl tells the story of the author's sexual abuse by her father, told from her point of view as an adolescent. Aside from the difficult subject matter, there is a graphic depiction of Lily in bed, being visited by her father, while her sister feigns sleep in the next bed.

I wondered whether a comic book about incest would draw outrage from the processors in the library's Technical Services department (trust me--you don't want to piss these people off, if you want your books to see the library shelves), or from the public, or from anyone at all. I gave the head of Tech Services a heads-up, lest his staff question my purchase. He said he didn't see any problem, and I trust his judgment. So, now it's wait and see. I'll keep you posted on what happens.

Sunshine and Rainbows...or as much positivity as I can muster....

NOTE: I have deleted the post previous to this one, because, frankly, it was just a wee bit too much. But don't worry--you ain't missing anything.

I was up till 4am last night, in a vicodin haze, writing the post previous to this one. I'm going to see if I can bring myself up a bit.

Well...I got paid today. That was good. Let's see...there was an Inservice at work today, but as it was not mandatory, I chose not to attend. (I know that decision may bite me in the ass, but I honestly don't care.) The weather's nice--so that's good too. It's cool, but sunny. As long as there's sun, I can deal with the temperature. Oh, and I see my shrink today, so lots of chance for positivity today. The bad news is that I can't get into SL today...but maybe that's actually good news. Whatever it is...that's actually the current extent of tangible "bad" in my life today.

I made it through last night's episode unscathed, except, maybe, for the fact that people's opinions about me may have been confirmed by reading that last post. But they feel how they feel. there's nothing I can do but be true to myself and write what's in my heart.

My personal Muse has been a great help to me lately. She's Muse and Ass-Kicker all in one. She is Yang to my Yin (or vice versa). When I'm sad, she is supportive. When she's in a bad place, I comfort her. We seem to not be down at the same time, which is interesting. Our personality styles are very different, too. I know there's a perfect place on the line between how I interact with people (bold, direct, hardass), and how she does (indirectly, sort of vague, and gentle). But when the two of us are together, brainstorming a project, it's magical. We think the same way, make the same points, and yet we challenge each other to come up with new ideas. It's very exciting.

So...since I still can't get into SL (yes, I've been trying every three minutes while writing this post), I may...dare I say it...see if I can refrain from logging in today? Probably not, but, I will consider it. Oh, and a quick side note to the fine folks at LL: YOUR BEST EFFORTS AREN'T GOOD ENOUGH. feh.

But to leave on a positive note, here's a link to a couple pictures of Lily playing mermaid. Enjoy!

And Now the Good News

I am now free to roam about the grid! :)

Ok, First the Bad News

"On March 9, 2009, you made angry comments to the Director when informed the Library may have to discontinue purchases of Mini Moos for staff."


Or, as rendered in free verse by Miss Eve Ayres:


how dare you
waster of moos
COW cream waster
dairy delinquent
non dairy novice
ruiner of the city
destroyer of all that is holy...how fucking dare you
take them all home

My Port in the Storm

My safe haven. My secret hideout. That's what this blog is for me. I just went through the emotionally difficult task of closing an endeavor that I've worked on for over a year. It was time, but it was still hard. In putting that behind me, I hope to be more productive, to write more, and to be more creative in general. More focused, too, maybe? Well, let's not get overly optimistic. Welcome to my little corner of the world. If you have manners and show kindness, you may stay. But you others (and you know who you are), fuck off. That said, welcome, and enjoy your time here.